A gentle reminder is still a reminder
Being kind and being clear aren't opposites. Some thoughts on finding the right tone when you ask someone to pay you back.
Blog
Notes on lending, borrowing and keeping money friendly.
October 2026
Halloween parties and the friend who always hosts
Someone buys the fog machine and the snacks every year. A few thoughts on chipping in for the party you always get invited to.
When a friend pays you back with something other than money
A home-cooked dinner or a weekend favor can square a debt between friends. It works best when both people agree it counts.
Getting ahead of holiday spending before it starts
The best time to talk about gift exchanges and shared holiday travel costs is early October, while everyone's still calm.
September 2026
Small debts, big feelings
Why an unpaid $20 can bug you more than it seems like it should, and what that feeling is usually about.
Moving day favors and the truck rental nobody split
Helping a friend move is a favor. Paying for the truck too is a loan. A few thoughts on fronted costs and why pizza isn't payment.
What lending money taught me about boundaries
For years I said yes to every loan request because no felt mean. Here's how I learned to say yes on purpose instead.
The group gift problem
One person buys the gift, everyone else promises to chip in. How to collect the shares without turning into the office nag.
Saying thank you when someone pays you back
Getting your money back is nice. Saying something kind when it lands is how you keep the friendship feeling good afterward.
How to keep track of loans between friends without a spreadsheet
Notes apps and text threads sort of work, until they don't. A simpler way to think about keeping one running balance per friend.