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When your kid asks to borrow money
“Can I borrow sixty bucks? I’ll pay you back, I swear.”
That was my son, Owen, fifteen at the time, standing in the kitchen doorway with the very specific posture of a kid who has already decided what he’s buying. In this case it was a pair of sneakers that were on sale and, according to him, “basically never this cheap.”
My first instinct was to just say no. My second instinct was to hand him the money and forget about it. I’ve done both before, if I’m being truthful. But this time I paused, because it hit me that this was one of those rare little moments where a kid is practically asking to learn something, and I didn’t want to waste it.
I think when your kid asks to borrow money, it’s worth treating it like an actual loan. A small, gentle, low-stakes one. Not because you need the sixty dollars back (though sixty dollars is sixty dollars). It’s because the habits they build borrowing from you are probably the habits they’ll bring to borrowing from friends and, later, from just about everyone.
Talk about how, not just whether
The first thing I did with Owen was ask how he planned to pay me back. Not in a gotcha way. I was genuinely curious. He thought about it and said he could use the money he earns mowing our neighbor’s lawn, which was $20 a week.
“Okay,” I said. “So three weeks?”
He nodded. And just like that, he’d made a plan. That’s most of the lesson right there, I think. A loan isn’t just “give me money now.” It’s “give me money now, and here’s how it comes back.” Kids, like most adults, tend to skip that second part if nobody asks.
I didn’t make him sign anything. I’ve heard of parents who write up little contracts, and if that works for your family, great. For us it felt like overkill. A conversation and a sticky note on the fridge did the job.
Gentle accountability
This is the tricky bit. The first week, he paid me $20 without being asked, and I was thrilled. Then two weeks went by without a word.
This is where a lot of parents (me included, historically) either let it slide completely or turn it into a lecture. Neither feels right. If you let it slide, the lesson becomes “loans from Mom or Dad are optional.” If you lecture, the lesson becomes “borrowing money makes people mad at you,” which isn’t great either.
I went with a quick, normal reminder. I just said, at dinner, “Hey, I’ve still got you down for $40 on the sneakers.” No sigh, no disappointed face. He said “oh, right” and paid me that weekend. The tone mattered a lot, I think. I wanted it to feel like a fact, not a moral failure.
What if they can’t pay?
Sometimes they genuinely can’t. The lawn job dries up in November, or they spend their money on something else and realize it too late. I think this can actually be a great moment, as long as you handle it gently. Let them come to you and talk it through. Maybe adjust the plan, like $10 a week instead of $20, or some extra chores to work it off.
What I’d avoid is quietly forgiving it without saying anything. I did that once with Owen’s older sister, years ago, when she owed me for a concert ticket. I just stopped mentioning it, thinking I was being nice. Later she told me she’d assumed it didn’t matter, that I never really expected it back. That wasn’t the lesson I meant to teach.
If you do decide to forgive it, say so out loud. “You know what, you’ve been doing great, let’s call the last $20 square.” That way it’s a gift, not a misunderstanding.
I don’t think we’re really teaching them about sneakers, or about sixty dollars. We’re teaching them what it feels like to owe someone you love. That it’s okay to ask, and that a reminder isn’t an attack. If they learn that at fifteen, with a parent who’s on their side, they’ll probably be a lot better at it at twenty-five, with a roommate who isn’t.
Owen paid off the last $20 a couple of weeks later, in quarters, out of a mason jar. I’m pretty sure he did it that way on purpose.
I counted every one.
The OweMate blog is written by the people who make OweMate, a simple way to keep track of money between friends and family.