Blog
Tax refund season is a good excuse to settle up with friends
I have a soft spot for any money that shows up in my account when I wasn’t really thinking about it. A refund, or a $20 bill in last winter’s coat pocket. It all feels like found money, even when, technically, it was mine the whole time.
Which is exactly why I think refund season (if you’re lucky enough to get one) is a sneaky-good time to settle up with friends.
I’m not talking about the big stuff here. I’m not a tax person and this isn’t tax advice, and you probably have your own priorities for that money, whether it’s bills or the car repair you’ve been ignoring. I’m talking about the small, lingering debts that sit in the back of your head for months. The $35 you owe your roommate for the internet bill she covered in November. The concert tickets your friend bought for the group back in the fall.
Individually, none of these are a big deal. Together, they kind of become a low-level hum of guilt. Or at least they do for me.
Start with what you owe
The easiest place to begin is your own side of the ledger. Paying people back is one of those things that feels way better than it should. There’s this little rush when you hit send on a Venmo and you know that debt is just gone. It’s like clearing out your email inbox, except people actually thank you.
Before you start sending money everywhere, though, it helps to actually know the numbers. If you’ve been jotting things down in your notes app, great. If you’ve been logging them in OweMate, it’s mostly a matter of scrolling through and seeing whose balance is still open. And if you’ve been relying on memory, maybe text the person and double-check. Nothing’s more awkward than paying someone back $40 when you actually owed them $60.
Then, maybe, the other direction
This is the part I think people overlook. Refund season can also be a pretty natural, low-pressure moment to bring up money other people owe you. Not because they’re getting a refund (you have no idea what anyone’s finances look like, and it’s really not your business). It’s more that this time of year, people tend to be thinking about money anyway. It’s on their radar. A friendly mention doesn’t come out of nowhere the way it might in, say, the middle of July.
I’d keep it light and specific, and I wouldn’t tie it to their refund at all. That would feel a little like you’ve been watching their bank account. Just mention the thing and the amount, like you’re closing a loop.
Hey! I was going through my stuff and realized we never squared up on the cabin weekend. I think it was $85 for your share of the rental. No pressure, just didn’t want it to fall through the cracks.
That’s it. No big setup. No apology spiral. Most people respond with some version of “oh no, totally forgot,” and send it right over. A few will need a bit longer, and that’s fine too.
Why it feels good to clear the board
I think the real value here isn’t the money. It’s the mental space. When you’ve got a handful of small open debts floating around, they take up room. You feel a little weird when that friend texts. You keep a fuzzy running tally in your head that’s probably wrong anyway.
Clearing all of that at once feels a little like spring cleaning, which, conveniently, is right around the corner. You start the season with a clean slate, and every friendship goes back to being just a friendship instead of a friendship with a small asterisk attached.
Last spring I paid back three people in one evening. It took maybe ten minutes total. My roommate sent back a GIF of a dancing raccoon, which I’m told is the highest honor she gives out.
The OweMate blog is written by the people who make OweMate, a simple way to keep track of money between friends and family.