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Lending money to a coworker, and where the lines are
Lending money to a coworker is different from lending to a friend, and I didn’t fully get that until I’d done it a few times.
With a friend, if things get weird, you can take a little space. With a coworker, you’re going to see them at the 9:30 standup tomorrow, and at the holiday party where someone inevitably asks you to help carry the cooler to their car. There’s no cooling-off period at work. Whatever awkwardness you create sits in the break room with you for as long as you both have the job.
That’s not an argument against ever doing it. I’ve lent coworkers money plenty of times, mostly small stuff, and it’s been fine almost every time. But I’ve learned to think about it a little differently.
The lunch-money tier
Most workplace lending is tiny. Someone forgot their wallet and the food truck only takes cash. Someone’s card got declined at the team lunch and they’re mortified. You cover $14 and they pay you back the next day, or they buy your coffee next week, and nobody thinks about it again.
I treat this tier almost like a favor rather than a loan. If it comes back, great. If it doesn’t, I’ve lost the price of a sandwich, and I’m not going to let a sandwich make me weird with someone I sit next to forty hours a week. I think the people who get burned at work are often the ones who keep strict score on the small stuff, because coworkers can feel that, and it makes the whole office a bit colder.
When it’s real money
The bigger asks are where I slow down. A couple years ago a guy on my team, Derek, asked if he could borrow $300 to cover a car repair until his next paycheck. I liked Derek. He was good at his job and always the first to jump in when a deadline got ugly. I also knew that if this went sideways, I’d be the one sitting in a meeting with him, feeling something I couldn’t say out loud.
I lent it to him. But I handled it with a bit more care than I would have for a friend.
I kept it completely out of work channels. No Slack messages, nothing on a company device. Money between coworkers is personal, and I didn’t want it anywhere a manager might see it or where it could look like something it wasn’t. We talked about it on our own phones, over text, like two people who happen to work together rather than two employees.
I also got clear about the payback, right then, in a friendly way. Not a contract or anything. Just “so you’ll send it after you get paid next?” and a thumbs-up from him. The point wasn’t to hold him to a date like a bill collector. It was to make sure we both had the same picture, so neither of us would be guessing later.
And then I didn’t bring it up at work. Ever. Not as a joke at lunch, not with a knowing look across the conference table. That part matters more than people think. The quickest way to make a coworker loan toxic is to let it leak into the workday, because now it’s not just between you two, it’s this odd little thing hovering over every interaction.
He paid me back about a week later than he’d planned, with an apology and a $10 gift card to the coffee place downstairs. I didn’t need the gift card. It was still kind of sweet.
Where I say no
There are a couple of situations where I just don’t do it anymore. If I’m someone’s manager, or even a step above them in any formal way, I won’t lend money. The power thing gets too tangled. Will they feel like they have to say yes when I ask for something on a project? Will I feel funny giving them honest feedback? It’s not worth it, and it may well run against your company’s policies anyway, though I’d check your own handbook rather than take my word for it.
I also pass when it’s a repeat thing, where the same person keeps coming back every few weeks. At that point it’s not a loan, it’s a pattern, and I’m probably not the right person to fix whatever’s going on. Saying no is uncomfortable, but it can be kind. “I’m not able to do that, but I’m sorry you’re dealing with it” is a complete sentence, and you don’t owe anyone a breakdown of your own finances to justify it.
Most of the time, though, people at work are just people. They forgot their wallet, or the car died on a Tuesday. And the morning you forget your badge, they’re usually the one standing by the door to swipe you in.
The OweMate blog is written by the people who make OweMate, a simple way to keep track of money between friends and family.